Midnight ramblings

Tonight after I put Madeleine to bed I was playing on the internet and thinking about what all God has done for me. After having a rough first marriage He sent me a wonderful Godly husband. A man who takes care of me and loves me more than I could ever describe. I have 4 beautiful and wonderful kids. My boys are fun and tell me all the time how much they love me and how beautiful I am. My daughter is so sweet and brings me joy everyday. I have a great house and loyal dog. I almost sound like a country song. The Lord has blessed me so much. I don't understand how He can be so faithful when I am so disobedient. I feel more like a rebellious toddler than someone who has been a christian for so long. Am I the only one who feels that way? I was humbled this week by something God revealed about me. I ask Him to show me my weaknesses and when He does I get mad at Him. I know it is only because I see how flawed I am and my flesh doesn't like it. I know sanctification is a life long process and will never be fully achieved on this earth, but I feel like I am further away than when I started. I am hoping that means God is really working in me and I am seeing more and more of my sin. The more I walk in Him the more I see my inadequacies. Sorry for the rambling. I guess I needed to get this out. Basically I am thankful for the journey I am on. Even if it is hard sometimes. He still gives me so many blessings. My family, church and my friends. Alright hopefully I can sleep now.